Where we need to be....

I said I wasn't going to post for a week. Well my phone is on fire with all the talking, texting and facebook I've been doing, so I thought I'd try this again. I have been so fortunate to talk to so many people, got to hang out with friends, ate chinese, even went shopping. I talk to my husband hourly sometimes more often. He hasn't had the visitors, at least not adults. Just a bunch of kids. So with all the quiet times I have had, I got somethings done. Not as much as I'd like to of course, but that is strictly because by heart wasn't in it. I realized........I LOVE my life! I love my husband, kids and job!! I love driving all over to drop kids off, pick them up, feed them, cook. I don't miss laundry or dishes but that just comes with the territory. Steve agreed. We are so truly blessed. It has been so quiet I can't even sleep. I complain about the snoring at my house (and it's not just Steve that snores), but when it's not going on I can't sleep! Today I got to work and I'll go home late tonight after the kiddos are in bed. I had some awesome devotions this week. And this is just my opinion, my blog my opinion, not necessarily right :) You don't need hours of quiet to hear God. You do need to take time, you do need have quiet times, but I see Him just as clearly sometimes in the daily routines. Watching the kids, teaching moments, talking with my husband, taking care of my patients, talks with friends and family, cooking, cleaning. That's my element. That's where God wants me!!! I know that may not be true for many people and that's what is great about this world. We are all different! No one way is correct. I pray that everyone finds where God wants them to be. It's a peaceful place. Now did I really need days away to find the "revelation?" Nope I didn't. I've been aware for a long time, but I am glad be blessed me with this time and I can't wait to get back to the chaos and the best hubby ever!!! :)

Sooner, better than later, I guess

Last night I get a call from and automated system from St Mary's Health care stating I have an appt at 8am. WHAT! 8am, so I find a real person at the hospital that confirms this. Then I change my plans for the day, change my patient load, find someone to work, someone to take the kids to school and go at 8am. I don't mind the change in time. I totally understand being flexible, we have 5 kids for goodness sake, 1 being Brooke. What I don't like is human error after human error, things that can be prevented. I went through all scheduling issues and wrong tests being ordered last week. :( So, I guess to be totally honest, I am not impressed with St Mary's. I have to return there next week Monday for a full body scan then I am done. I'll stick with Holland and Spectrum.
All in all, I swallowed a pill and left. I plan to be back home Wednesday night. I have all of my entertainment with me, movies, bills to pay, creative memories to cut, Bible study to read. I'll hang out for a couple days. Watch God's amazing snow covered land, maybe even take a walk. Then I'll go home, where I belong. I feel so fortunate and blessed. You realize you are right where you need to be, when you don't want to leave. You realize what an amazing husband you have, when I ask, "what do you want me to do? How can I make this easier on you?" And he says "don't worry, we are fine." And he's totally serious. He has everything under control and he knows our kids, their schedules, and how the house runs (or doesn't run) as well if not better than I. I couldn't ask for a better guy!
I might not post again til I get my scan results. We are pretty uneventful for awhile. Brooke has a swallow study and MD appt next week Tuesday. But I don't expect any earth shattering news with that. Thanks for all the prayers. We are blessed and know who to give the glory too. Thank you Jesus!! You fill our hearts!!

Ready, set, swallow a pill

That's about as exciting as it's going to get. I had my labs done last week. They were way higher than they expected. The higher the number the more hypothyroid you are. Normal 2-5. They wanted me between 30-40 to do radiation, I was at 88. Yea me!! I know how to get things done. After some unexpected scheduling issues, it is scheduled for tomorrow (Monday) at 1pm. I literally go in, take a pill and leave. So that's it. Not exciting, not scary, not even inconvenient. I will be radioactive for a while, so I will stay away from Steve and the girls til Thursday or Friday. I can still work and go about my business. Steve calls it a "Sabbatical." I'll take it. The girls are good with it. The suppers are made and in the fridge and my hubby is ready. I hope he doesn't get lonely at night. I know how much he thrives on me talking his ear off from 9-11pm, hehe. Good thing for phones!!

This Saturday Steve and I got to go GR, JW Marriott with Dekalb seed company. Big fun! The girls had to much fun with our friend Kelli, and Miss Brooke went to her Uncle and Aunts (not sure she wanted to come home :) and Steve and I got to hang out for a night. It's always a treat to get to do those things.

That's about it for outings for the Koemans. We will now have to hunker down and try to stay warm. BRRRR is it cold out there however Leah and I were commenting yesterday on God's beauty. There is something about seeing the snow come down so softly, and white fields covered all fluffy. It's truly God's amazing creation that I love to see!!

6:05 am, I wake up out of the blue (never do that). "Please be a snow day" Go to the Internet, no Internet, go to the TV, no TV, grab my phone, type in Wood TV 8, yep school is cancelled, YIPPEE! Then I laughed. I LOVE TECHNOLOGY!! Back in the day, I'd try turn on the radio. I don't even think I own a radio. I'm making myself feel old. I can envision my kids saying things like, "remember when people had landlines, how crazy was that." hehe. Anyway, I'm sure that is not what you want to read about.

The diet....is stupid, dumb, obnoxious and makes me crabby. But it's what ya gotta do. People have such variations of what they say you can and can't eat. But I just stick to what my MD said and go with that. Mainly I am sick of eating. I've never been a big eater, I just don't like being told what to eat. I don't like having to think about what I'm going to eat. What a waste of time. So during the day I drink coffee (LOVE THAT PART) and eat some chocolate. That can tie me over til supper. Then it's salad, fruit, meat (no seasoning), potatoes (no seasoning), veggies. I'm still alive so it must be working. The thing I miss the most is dairy. I LOVE cheese. Steve calls me a "cheese snob." I've been called worse :) I plan to eat a big pizza when this is all done. To all you diet people, or people with health issues and you have to be on a special diet. Kudos to you! You are very strong people and I applaud you!!! There is always good that comes out of things. Because I am a nurse a big part of my job is teaching people that what they eat has an impact on their body. Many of my patients are over 80 years old. I am asking a person who has eaten the same for 80 years to change and thought it was no big deal? WOW, I will now approach that with a little more empathy.

How do I feel? Fine I guess. I don't have the patience I normally would. I can't say I'm physically tired, but who would be when you drink as much coffee as me. It's just hard to get motivated. Sitting around feels way better than I want it to. So I like going to work and doing things that make me get up and get going. However, once again, I am amazed at how many people say they are always feel like this. Really? I have been living under a rock!! Sitting around is not me. But once again I can now have sympathy on others. I know this is coming to an end, so I can laugh about it. Life is good :)
God has done amazing things this past week!! Macy is potty trained! So, I guess God wasn't laughing He was saying, "watch me Shell." I have a potty training theory. (I have many theory's :) I am already potty trained. So I refuse to set timers, chase after them and drive myself nuts. If they are ready great. If not, they make diapers every day. So this has been awesome and she just took off. Brooke thinks she wants to be like Macy, but we are a ways off in that department.

However, Brooke is off her night feedings!! That is huge! We have been trying to get her on all day feedings but she'd get sick, then be dry heaving, etc etc. For the past 2-3 weeks we weaned her off at night and added another feeding during the day. So 4 daytime tube feedings, YIPPEE!! No night time beeping, or tubes to get tangled in. She also has been munching on crackers. I say munching in the smallest form possible, but the point is she is putting something in her mouth beside water and fuzzies. She has a swallow study scheduled for Feb. 1. The break from the MD's has been refreshing.

The plan for George the goiter (or lack of). We don't have one yet. I had my blood drawn yesterday. If my numbers are messed up enough they hope to schedule the radiation pill for next week. I hope to find out this week. I'll let ya know. Thanks for all the calls and prayers. It's really uneventful ya just don't feel "normal" but I'm realizing everyone has their own normal and I've been more fortunate than I ever could have imagined. God is so good and blesses us in every situation. Sometimes we just have open our eyes a little wider to see.

Our internet is finally working better and we can downlaod pictures. This is from New Years. I have more but some people requested not to be on here. (They might be embarressed to be associated with me :) I can't imagine why? Hehe

"The Last Supper"

This is not the "Last Supper" from the bible but I can guarantee the Lord has something in store for me :) I am on the path to finishing up my thyroid cancer (George) fiasco. When I had the surgery I was in need of following up with a radiation pill that kills of the rest of the cancer. Well, I guess I was busy :) and I put it on hold. However I can't ignore it forever (but I'd like too) so we started up the process. December 25 I got off my thyroid meds. The goal is to put my body in major hypothyroidism. That consist of fatigue, hair loss and cloudy thoughts. Which is all relative to me. I have 5 kids, define fatigue. My hair falls out all the time, just look at my vacuum, and no one has ever accused me of being put together mentally. I will say my patience are much thinner. Because my organization has fallen by the way side things irritate me, and on top of it, Macy wants to potty train!! God's having a big belly laugh about this right now. Oh well, with that being said I have to be on a low iodine diet for 2-3 weeks prior to/after radiation. Let me tell you the last time I was on a diet. NEVER!! I have a mental condition that if I tell myself I CANNOT have something, I will eat 10X as much of it. Iodine is in in red dye, milk, yogurt, many dairy products, some fish and most salts. Salt is in EVERYTHING, as is dairy. Even meat that is processed or frozen has extra salt in it. So it's fruits, veggies and fresh fruit. I was quite dramatic about this for the past week :) My poor husband :) But I have decided Laura Ingells lived numerous years without processed foods I will survive.
"With My help you can overcome any obstacle. Do not expect an easy path as you journey hand and hand with Me, but do remember I am your very-present helper, am omnipotent."
Wasn't that appropriate :) This is a miner little hurdle. God always see's us through.

Luke 1:37 "For no word from God will ever fail.”

In Limbo!

This isn't a bad thing. (I guess) It's what we know :) Brooke's donors cells are back!! 92% WHOO HOO! So what happened last time? We don't know and don't care. Can't live in the past or future, so today they are good :) Also her mitogen stimulation is also doing well. The MD said he'd consider her "mildly immuno-supressed." That's better than severely immuno-supressed. That takes some pressure of us. Will it change our life? Not really. Our life has changed to accommodate Brooke's illness. I read where someone called it "SCID row." That made me giggle. I have felt that way in the past, but I now feel if we really WANT/NEED to go somewhere we can. Define need :) We have been so blessed with flexible schedules, wonderful family and an amazing babysitter that we are good right here. Now if someone is going to DIE and I need to take Brooke somewhere, my anxiety level is much less and it'll be ok. I feel if she stays "mildly immuno-supressed" she can go to school. So in 3-4 years she'll be ready (not sure if mom will).
Onto the rest of the numbers.....We've talked in the past about TREC, CD3, CD4, CD8. Don't ask me what they all stand for. After 2 years of this I am still stupid! However they are not where they need to be and not climbing in the right direction. They are hanging out in limbo. So I asked the MD tell me the low end (when we are in trouble) and the high end (when we are normal). She he wrote them down. Unfortunately we are closer to the low end than high. He feels there's a 50/50 chance of another transplant in her future. I did not like that % so he told me 60/40. Such a funny man :) "In the future" means maybe a year, maybe 12 years maybe never. But again the PA said, we can look at numbers all day, but you treat the kid. She's clinically amazing and normal (for Brooke :) Cognitively she's a naughty 2 year old hitting all her milestone. Physically she's a normal 2 year old. She's a little short (short people are cute too :), and she doesn't eat, but those are just projects to work on. Luckily our sermon Sunday was on Life and Prosperity/Death and Destruction. He said You Choose. I will admit there have been times when my attitude has been, I don't want to do this anymore! I've have had enough, fix her, I want our life back! However we were reminded "The Lord is your life." Not illness, not syndromes or disorders. We choose how to react. We know what is right, so follow Him! So we embrace it. We embrace being in limbo. We will live 1 day at a time. Loving each of these cute kids. Oh the choices :)

Lamentations 3:21-23 (New International Version, ©2010)
21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Ecclesiastes 3: 12-14 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Happy New Year 2011!

How crazy is that! It's 2011!! The Holidays were great and now it's back to reality. We made it to all our parties, I worked, the kids had sleepovers, we even exchanged a few germs and had colds and puking. All in all, it was pretty eventful. Brooke even got through an illness without visiting the spa! YIPPEE! That is success!
For New Years we had a "wig" party. The theme was going to be 70's, but it was hard to find the clothes. I like a reason to be silly and was a little sad with no theme. So this was fun and easy. It's amazing how you can change a look with some hair. I think the best part of the night was watching the kids sing karaoke and dance. Thanks to my brother for finding the set up! Brooke is still saying "TO LOUD" :) We are so blessed by wonderful friends and family! I love being able to spend time with them and laugh. (pictures to come, I hope)
Well onto 2011! Who knows what the future has in store? So far we can't complain about any of the years we've had. Sometimes things sound worse than they are. God always has a plan and there are many teaching moments along the way. Steve and I talked about resolutions the other day. I'm not a fan of them. Mainly because I can't/don't keep them. But I think that is because I've been focusing on the wrong thing. You hear resolutions to lose weight, exercise more, read more, etc etc. Those aren't bad things but I was reading if we make resolutions that glorify Him our focus changes and, hopefully we are more likely to keep them. So we came up with a couple things in 2011 we'd like to accomplish. It's has to do with others which is much more satisfying than focusing on ourselves.


“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” - 2 Corinthians 5:17

Happy New Year everyone!!