"FREEZE"

The title has nothing to do with weather and everything to do with time. I want time to stop.  In high school I spent 4 years wishing it would hurry up and be done.  I was not a fan and most days seemed to take forever. Then I got married and went to college and I've been wishing for time to slow down every since.

Especially this week!!!  The twins are done with preschool.  I'm not a fan. I want them to stay young. Typically, at the Koemans, once one is done with preschool, there is another one on the way. But that cycle has ended, and I'm ok with that. However, I am finished with everyone growing up. The girl's ages are perfect and we need to stay this way.  They are old enough to do things and be somewhat independent, but young enough to love me. Oh hah! I cried more at the end of the year than I did the beginning! With all that said, I'm really fine :) I'm not as much of a basket case as I sound.

 I was reading a book that said, "we celebrate their firsts, but not their lasts."  The kids don't understand, "lasts" but the grown ups do.  Today we got to go to a park with young 5 classes.  And we plan to have some play dates. 
That's the celebration thus far, but I think a cake may be in order. This is a big deal!  Next year is the Big Time!  All day, every day!  
Congratulations to my Young Fivers to an amazing year!!  You girls ROCKED it!!!

Hacks a lot!

Steve got up Friday morning and said, "Ok that's it. Call the doctor.  That kid hacks all night."  Brooke has had a dry, barky, slightly croupy cough for a week +.   We've done her albuterol inhalers, but haven't seen too much improvement.  I thought about trying allergy meds, but hadn't gotten around to it yet.  She acts fine.  Just hacks a lot! 
So we got into her pediatricians office.  Her MD was busy and we saw another one.  She was a very nice person.  Appeared very intelligent.  She said Brooke's lungs were very tight and wheezy.  So they did two nebs and ended up prescribing steroids.  Brooke has a pulmonologist that she saw in the fall.  That MD said her testing was questionable for asthma and they put her on an inhaler that she should be on daily.  I don't do well with questionable diagnosis.  And I don't do meds for questionable reasons.  So the MD on Friday asked why she wasn't taking her Qvar every day.  I explained why and she said, "I bet she's had a rough winter because you haven't been doing it.  Look she had pneumonia in March."   So many answers went through my head. My devotions this morning was to not look at the negative, but find a positive.  So my response was, "this is the best year she had since she was born."  She said, "but it could've been better." 
I don't know how to take some physicians.  You see, I worked in an MD office for 9 years.  I know how IRRITATING parents can be.  And I can feel myself being an irritating parent.  I've been on their side. I spent years giving parents advise, and being upset when they didn't listen.  I still have names in my head of parents that drove me nuts! I understand what they are feeling, and I am truly sorry!   But now I find myself trying to explain why I don't take advise.  Why can't I just listen and follow direction?  How hard is it?  But it appears I second guess everything.  I agreed to the steroids, and we've been doing nebs to help with this cough.  (It's pretty easy, the kid sets up her own neb machine :)
Steve and I talked about the Qvar, and we both agree, we'll talk to the pulmonologist when we go in July.  We need more information.  We need to be sold on what we are doing and why. 
Steve isn't convinced the steroids are working yet.  She still has a nasty cough.  The steroids have had an impact on her A T T I T U D E!!!  HOLY MOLY!!!  It's horrendous at times.  Unbearable!  And other times she's sweet as pie.  This too shall pass. 
As my devotions said, Proverbs 23;7.  "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he."  
Think positive and you're heart will be as well.  I told Steve during one of Brooke's melt downs.  "she's alive."  That was about as positive as I could be at that point, but it still puts a smile on my face.  Preschool ends next week.  The twins are EXCITED to start kindergarten.  We made it!  All the girls have had a great year, and we are BLESSED!!!  I'll take it. 

Happy Mother's Day!

I was spoiled this weekend.   I got to go away with friends overnight and shop.  Definitely spoiled!  We laughed and laughed and spent a little money.  Between my father in law, my parents, sister in law and Leah, the home front stayed afloat.  Even when you are gone, things always crop up that need to be taken care of.  Even though I was gone, I was still on the phone, figuring out their schedule.  I told Steve, I should've stayed home!  It's just easier when I'm here to get the girls where they need to be.  I don't like relying on others.  And when you have 5 kids, it takes a few others. But it all worked and Leah was texting on Saturday, "I have this under control. Take your time."   Gotta love that girl!

This morning I heard Ashley's alarm going off.  I kinda guessed what she was doing.  Steve got up and said, "yup she's making you breakfast, stay in bed."  She made a great breakfast.  Pancakes from scratch, smoky links, and really good coffee :)  Then she gave me this poem she wrote/made (revised one she had read to fit our family).

Yup I cried!  So sweet!  I love it!

From there we got to go to my parents for church and coffee with my family.  Then we headed to Steve's sisters to spend time with the Koeman's.  All great times with beautiful people.  

We got in the car to head home and everyone forgot it was mother's day.  Let the fighting begin.  Bickering, hitting, blah blah blah.  We got home and I realized a bomb went off in my house.  But no one else see's it except Steve and I.  What to do?  Such a Hallmark day of pretty pictures of mom's and their kids.  And it was crazy, as always, at the Koemans.  So after some discipline, a nap (for a few of us), I looked around and thought I better run before we tackle this.  As I was running, I calmed myself and had to remember.  I'm a mom, this is what I do. They are kids, why do I expect so much?  A "day" doesn't make it different.  Steve and I have never been big on Hallmark holidays.  I did come home, more relaxed, and explained to the kids their roles in the home and what was excepted of them.  They all did it.  It's cleaned up, all is well.  All my ladies are tucked into bed, where they belong, all cozy.  As I read Ashley's poem, she has hit it right on. Our patience are tried, almost daily.  But the joy that comes from them far exceeds the trials.  The life lessons I've learned because of my ladies is priceless.  Nothing I could ever learn from books or school.  Only by God's grace and being called, "mom."  Thanks Ladies for the good, the bad, and all the Love!!!

This is what we BELIEVE in!

 For us, This is it!  Easter!  It's what we believe!  Our Savior Died on the cross, to save us from our sins, to show His love for us, to rescue us, to absorb the wrath of God, to bring us to faith.............

In the past, I've had a really hard time with how "Hallmark" Easter is.  Don't get me wrong, I love candy more than the average bunny, but Easter is about so much more and I want everyone to feel what I feel in my heart!  Last week my girls (the twins) came home reciting Matthew 28, and were pretty persistent at getting it right.  However it starts out "After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week...."   The twins kept saying, "at Dawn's."  Our sitters name is "Dawn" so we had to explain dawn also meant morning, not Dawn's house :)  But they were so excited about all they were learning about the meaning of Easter.  My other girls came home school so moved by their chapel services.  Megan and I watched a video on the crucifixion of Christ.  The truth and reality of the season.  Saturday my mom took the older 3 girls to the movie, "God's not dead."  They all said it was really good.  Sunday we had the opportunity to be with family.  My Aunt gathered around all the girls and read through the resurrection story with them. (Aunt Brenda you Rock!) I love the support that we have with raising all these beautiful girls with strong Christian beliefs!  I didn't see too many bunnies on Easter but I felt His amazing presence and His beauty!

 Thank you Jesus for all you have done for us!  We are forgiven!  We have been set free.  Unconditional Love!

 In the afternoon, the girls and I went for a walk by the gully by our house.  It was more like rock hopping :)  Megan, with her sweet heart, had on water shoes, so she'd help everyone across the rocks.  And then she'd come back and say, "do you need help mom?"  And take my hand.  Glad I didn't fall, I would've crushed her like a little bug :)  Each one of these gems are a precious gift and we are so thankful for each and every one!!!

Uncharted Territory

That seems to be all of our lives.  The more I talk to people, I realize at one point or another, we wish we knew what God was showing us.  If only we knew what tomorrow, next month or next year will bring. We think that would help us. 
Today Brooke went to her 6 month appointment with transplant doctor.  They wanted us to do another varivax vaccine (6 weeks ago :)  I had to think about it (hence it wasn't done yet :) This is her third one.  Is it really going to work this time?  Is, third time a charm?  I am a believer of vaccines, but if the child's body does not want to make antibodies in response to the vaccine, what am I suppose to do about it?  So we decided this is our last attempt.  I asked the MD if she does not respond to this vaccine, is it worth trying to give her the MMR?  He said, "Brooke is uncharted territory, I'll have to consult with other physicians." 
I liked that comment.   "Uncharted territory."  There is no textbook to describe her or tell anyone what to do next.  Isn't that all of our lives? 
God has a plan and His plan is best.  We just have to take a deep breath and say, "show me your way today, Dear Lord."   It brings such peace.  There are so many people that I pray for this week that find that peace as they follow their uncharted territory. 


A few fun pics :)       We got a new cousin/niece!  The excitement is AMAZING!!!  I've had to keep the ladies at bay from holding her all day if they could.  Welcome Gabby!

 Losing teeth left and right.  Tooth fairy is going to be broke :)

One of those days

Well Brooke's last illness lasted 8 days.  After that she was really back to her normal self.  So we've had about 5 days illness free.  It was a good 5 days.  Monday Megan told me she had a stomach ache.  I asked her if she was tired or sick.  She didn't know so off to school she went.  Well that didn't work.  So Monday and Tuesday she was home with the stomach flu.  Macy told us she had a stomach ache Tuesday night, but we told her til will it away, and she did.  She's been good.  Ash called from school today, and Brooke started this afternoon.
My thought process,   ARE YOU FRICKEN KIDDIN ME?!?!?!?  Enough already.  I've had it with sickness and the weather.  It gets in the 40's just to tease us and then snow again, just so that my kids can all get sick.  If you see a crabby pattern you are right!  I'm sure you've all had these days, and I know it's normal.  Nothing a little motivation, a lot of prayer and a run can't fix.  But until then I will sit on the couch, with my sick kiddo's, eating my junk food (they're sick, I'm not :), and wearing my terry cloth robe.  (If you know me, my old disgusting robe is my go to)
Praying everyone stays healthy and for Spring weather to emerge.  God will see us through.

Day 6

That's how many days Brooke has been dealing with whatever illness this is.  She started out last week with a fever.  I know right?!?!?  Just when we think she can't get a fever she proves us wrong.  3 days of a high fever.  That went away and she continued with fatigue, coughing and not acting like herself.  But she was persistent she did NOT need a doctor.  So we obliged her.  Steve and I were going away Friday night.  We planned to stay home, but she was like, "I'm fine, go.  I'm not sick."  Ok, we were all on the same page.  She was sick of us.  So we went.  Nothing earth shattering happened.  But when we got home she was whiny, crawled on my lap and slept. And that's been everyday since.  She's not exactly light.  Lugging her around is a workout.  Or we lay on the couch.  Lots of sleeping involved (for her.)  Today (Monday) I called the MD.  It appears she has pneumonia.  He's treating her with antibiotics and we're praying she perks up in the next day or so.  She says she's going to try school tomorrow.  Hopefully her crabby's will go away.  It's hard to handle.  So thankful for Miss Dawn today that watched her.  I couldn't take another day off work and to be honest, my compassion was running low.  So I needed a little Brookie break :)  It's all good again.  We once again see the sweetness.  And she's allowing others to help her.  However it is nice to be needed. 

I'm so thankful for friends.  I was chatting with a friend about the antibiotics etc.  She asked how I felt about that.  I explained I've had to pray that God takes control, because my mind can go crazy.  I know she prayed for me, because I could feel the peace the rest of the afternoon.  Steve and I can both say we pray this is our answer, but we always have in the back of our mind, what if.........       Nothing we can do about that. God is in control.  And how amazing if she gets a "normal" illness and recuperates "normally." 

Tomorrow if March 4.  5 YEARS since Megan's bone marrow starting living in Brooke.  We asked Brooke what she thought about that.  Her response, "that's gross."  It may be gross, but it's amazing how God creates us, to work together.  Praising God for 5 amazing years!!!!  Happy Bone marrow Birthday to our girls!!!