All grown up, (kinda)

Last night Leah had a forensics thing at school. Her and approximately 10 others were selected to read and act out their forensics poem in front of friends and family. So as all these ladies and 1 boy :) (girls are more dramatic than boys, go figure) got up to do their poems I realized, Leah and her friends aren't little girls anymore. What happened?!?!? They all had their hair done, nice clothes, and looked like ladies, not the little girls in my head. We know they'll all grow up, sometimes it just hits ya like a slap in the face.
Speaking of slaps in the face, Steve and I have a "bedtime routine" we have done with the girls for 12 years. Last week Megan told Steve she was "all set." Steve came out and said, "I don't know what I did to Megan but she's all set." So I went and talked to Megan and said, "what's up?" She explained to me half of her class doesn't get tucked into bed at night and pray with their parents. She's getting to old for it. WELL WELL WELL!! 1st I got all teary eyed and Megan started laughing :) "Are you crying?!" Then I calmly explained to her not all parents are as cool as hers, and who wouldn't want cool parents to put them to bed. She laughed and is entertaining us by letting us put her to bed. hehe I really enjoy the ages of Leah and Megan. You can talk to them, reason with then, laugh. And they know the consequences of their actions. It makes the crazy times easier. The other 3 are still in the "learning" stages of their actions. It takes alot more energy. Good thing we are up for the challenge.

1 John 4: 12 "No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

This verse reminded me of last week. I went to drop off donuts for the girls. They were in chapel. My children have been in school for many years and I have never been to chapel, that's no good. But I heard the singing coming down the halls, so I was drawn to listen. WOW, a gym full of children praising God, together. Loudly and beautifully, the energy was instantly transferred to me as well. Obviously we all have our down times but if we could live with that energy life would take on a whole new meaning. Get rid of the negativity and turn things positive. It's been a fun week to get to see the kids at school more. When Leah was young I did more at school. As the kids get added on, and Brooke gets to stay home, I don't seem to get there as much. Tomorrow I'm off with Ashley's class on a field trip. We'll see what God has in store with a bunch of 1st graders. I guarantee there will be lots of laugh and noise :)

2 years Post BMT

2009

2011

So here we are! 2 years after Brooke's transplant. 2 years seems like a long time, yet it seems like yesterday. Looking back I don't think I'd change a thing that we learned in the past 2 years. I'd only change the pain Miss Brooke has had to endure. Steve and I are in a much better place emotionally and spiritually since this. Not that we weren't before, but I know we were much "higher strung." Our priorities are different. We are looking through life differently, more calmer, knowing that we aren't in charge. I think of all the conversations that have happened in the past 2 years. The conversations ranged from, "what are you going to do if you have to plan a funeral?", to "God only gives special needs kids to people that can handle this. We are chosen." I love and appreciate every conversation that we've had with people. People dared to bring up tough conversations and make us deal with what was happening. I am forever greatful for them. Brooke will still have challenges in her life but we know we'll all face it together. And I enjoy saying, "when" she goes up, "when" she goes to school, "when" she eats. I no longer think "if."

I can be honest and say there are times I feel alone in this. In general conversation things will come up like, "wow you haven't been there yet." Or "you haven't ever eaten there." You get the picture. This is not a big deal but you realize again, "WE DON'T GO ANYWHERE!" Brooke has taught us it's ok to slow down, it's ok to eat home, it's ok to be simpler than most. (Good thing I LOVE to cook and bake, it's my therapy :) And Steve and I are never alone. We have each other, 5 awesome kids and family that continues to help us. My "Goal" (which I hold loosely) is to be able to take Brooke out more in the Spring. I'd like to start taking Macy and Brooke to church and go from there. Right now it's flu and RSV season so rather than be stupid or paranoid, we'll just keep her home. Her next immune system check is in April. We'll see what God has in store. It's amazing where 2 short years will take you and transform your life. God has amazing plans and rather than guess what is next we'll just live each day as it comes. And give Him all the honor and glory! Thank you Jesus!!!

The girls once again decided we needed to celebrate! So we treated their classes to donuts and cupcakes. So if any of you have children that go to class with my girls and they are on a sugar high Friday, "you're welcome :)" Don't forget to hug your children 1 more time today!!

Go BIG or go home!

So I am posting twice in 1 day! How crazy! But this fit with my "big" theme. Have you ever wanted to touch one of BIG checks you see people win? I have, I watch them on the Price is Right (conformation I have no life). I'll back up the story.. Last time Brooke was in the hospital Steve filled out a survey he got online from his seed company. He could nominate a group that he felt did a good/noble job in the community. If Steve got chosen the group he nominated would get $2500. Steve chose LOVE INC (in the name of Christ). A place in Hamilton that helps families in need, but also teaches them life skills to live by. Budgeting, cooking, Bible Studies. A wonderful program that is amazing! Well they got picked!! YEAH!!! We were excited! So tonight, Koeman farms, and Monsanto seed reps (Mr. Winkle and Mr. Balder :) got to go present the check to Love INC. They then showed us their program. It is very amazing and what a ministry the have. Just think, if Brooke would not have been in the hospital, Steve may not have had time to fill this out. God is quite amazing! And He ministers in so many ways through so many situations. Praise Him!!!

Don't Mess with MaMa

This is a large remote! Did you ever lose your remote? We lose them OFTEN!! I've had to order spares from Dish network so when 1 is gone I can program another one. Sad huh? I don't even think our house is that messy. I think children eat them. Well I like to work out once in a while. It seems I can't use my exercise DVD's without the remotes!! Both DVD players are missing remotes. I've been a little disgruntled about it. So I went to the store and bought the BIGGEST remote I could find. It's MINE ALL MINE!! That's right, I am not teaching my children to share in this process but they have lost that privilege. So I am excited to use my DVD again.

Other than that it's been a slow week. Obviously, if all I have to talk about is remotes :) I did take the girls to town. As I was on the phone with Steve discussing a purchase (yes I consult my husband before some purchases, he wishes more :) there was this large laughter from the dressing room. Leah and Megan were in there trying on about anything they could find. Oh my, what a hoot! I told Steve, I can't imagine when all the girls get old enough to do this. We'll have to close down the store with all the giggling. How fun!!! God knew what He was doing when He gave us 5 girls. They keep us smiling.

A Great Man

Steve and I are in a small group. In our Bible study we talked about who you feel is the Greatest man? That's a loaded question. The Greatest Man alive? God called John the Baptist the Greatest man. What an honor! He had no royalty, no money, he lived in the desert, wore camel hair, yet he was great. He was great because he followed God. He did not idolize worldly positions, he did not give into jealousy or envy, he just followed Him.

In our discussion many names were coming up. Everyone has there own idea of "greatness" and 1 isn't right over another (that's the great thing about life, we can have different opinions and none of them are wrong). And since this is my blog I can share mine :) The man which keeps coming to my mind is my dad. He might kill me for writing this but it's on my heart and I feel like sharing. Now he doesn't live in a desert (Florida is hot right now) and he doesn't wear camel hair (don't give him any crazy ideas) but he has a heart of gold. He always is helping others and thinking of others. He (and my mom) are the most giving people I know. I have never seen them jealous or envious. They find such Joy in what they do, which to me, means they are doing it for Him. My dad always says heaven is 1 big blueberry farm, (my corn farmer husband might disagree :) They have a sense of humor and keep this crazy life in perspective but they know full well what they believe in and they live it. I am so grateful to have such role models in my life.

With that being said I encourage anyone to join a small group. A group of people you can trust, you can be real with, be accountable with and that you can dive deeper into God's word. My parents have also found a group like this and they have become so real to me as well. I just love them. The Book of John has been great. So, who is great in your life? What makes them great? What classifies true "greatness"? Remember no right or wrong answers, just a question to ponder :)

John 16:33 Jesus said: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Happy Valentines day!

This was our Valentines day!! We have always refused to give into a "Hallmark" holiday. To Steve and I Valentine's day isn't real. I don't want a designated day to show love, I think it should be shown everyday. So our attempt for Valentines day was a "note" on the mirror (which they thought was fun), and Megan made us a cake (Yes, cake). We want our girls to show love to others daily, not expect it to be dished out. Your heart feels so full and you feel so at peace when you give to others and not expect to be given too. Steve says he's trying to raise them to be "low maintenance." Yes we know, good luck with that, haha. But they sure are cute!!

Other than that.......I am BACK, in full force. After continuing to drag butt last week, I had started to double up on meds. I figured if 1 was good, 2 must be better. (Not good medical advise that I suggest for anyone). But Thursday night I went to bed at 11:30p, woke up at 6a (no alarm, just woke up). Steve got up for work and I was standing there, drinking coffee, laughing, telling him Good Morning! His response, "Holy Cow she's back. Where did my crabby wife go?" I'm so happy to have energy, to be enthusiastic about life, to be sarcastic, and I'm sure slightly annoying to others. WHOO HOO!!! It's fun to have fun with the kids again and not be playing head games with myself just to stay functional.

So onto another week. This weekend I got to go scrap booking with friends for the weekend. The girls and Steve always like to see the progress when I get home. I'm 2 years behind yet but I'm getting caught up. I think it's a gift I can give to my girls someday, so I hope to get caught up. Brooke goes back to clinic next week and this week I meet with an orthodontic to discuss braces for Leah. Really, I'm old enough to have 1 in braces? Oh well, age is only how old you feel. I think I'm a spring chicken, hehe.

F I N A L L Y

I like to think I'm a patient person but waiting 8 days for tests results really wore on my patience! I was getting quite irritated, then the nurse in me came out and I have a plan as to how they can better their process, I'm not sure they really care. Anyway, the scan was all good. It showed no further cancer, YIPPEE!! My primary MD did say that once one has had cancer they are on "alert" but that's pretty much it. As a person that's had cancer, I'm on alert also. The most disturbing part of this was losing my taste buds. Unfortunately I was told there are "no side effects." Everything has side effects, so I dug deeper and found that was one of them! I didn't drink coffee for a week. If you know me, that is unheard of! Leah thought I was dying :) I put candy in my mouth and couldn't tell if it was cinnamon or butterscotch. I was mad!! I LOVE candy, and food, and coffee. I was talking to my dad and he had the same thing after his heart surgery and his came back. So that was reassuring. I'm back to drinking coffee, and can taste most things again. I'm not back to "normal" yet, but I'm slowly returning. I'm ready to feel like myself but I know it'll happen soon enough. I miss being super sarcastic and slightly obnoxious. Not sure my family misses it.
Onto Brooke..............She had her swallow study. It wasn't an easy task. We pretty much force fed her and watched it go down. The best part is it went to the right place every time. Even when she was coughing and gagging she still did not aspirate. Yeah Brooke!! So she can swallow, she just needs to realize that eating is as much fun as her mom thinks it is. Today Leah told me she was SOOOO thankful she had a mom that LOVED candy. That's a good quality to pass onto your kids!!! Brooke doesn't understand that yet but she'll get there. She ate part of a chip tonight and continues to nibble on crackers. She really only eats at night, when her sisters are in bed, or when no one is watching her. We call her a closet eater :)
Steve also pointed out to me that our insurance changed. We now have a 2 million limit per year. That is a good thing for the Koemans! Our plan had been 2 million dollar limit per person for a lifetime. We'll Brooke is over a million dollars already so now we don't have to worry about her getting kicked off our insurance anytime soon. For being so little she can really rack up the bills. But I don't think she can get to 2 million in 1 year. I bet the insurance company wishes they could get rid of her :)
Not much on the agenda for February. Brooke has another clinic visit coming up the end of February. Otherwise we are going to just try and stay warm and have fun. We've been planning our summer camping trips already. That warms us all up :) Once again God has answered so many prayers. We got to see my parents friends on Tuesday and tell them about the normal scan. The hug and tears in her eyes was the best present I ever could of received!! Then her husband walked up and she said, "tell him, tell him!" I later went out with friends and to find out the same craziness that was going through my head waiting for the test results was going through my friends head. WOW, the Love and prayers from others is so humbling!! Thank you, we pray that 2011 is calmer than 2009 and 2010, but if not we take things as they come. God always provides and He keeps showing us this over and over.