Let me tell you bout my best friend.........

25 years!!!  That's how long ago I married my best friend.  27 years ago, that's when I met my best friend.  I never planned it that way, I just wanted to go out to dinner.  I like food :)  But he was funny, easy to talk to and accepted me for me. 
We had no idea what 25 years would look like, and we agreed, we were happy we did not know.  Of the 25 there's only one year we would not want to repeat. Any other ups and downs we made it through well. With Brooke's rough year, we made it as well, but we never want to see a child in that much pain.
The conversation then went to, what does the next 25 look like.  The first 25 years were honeymoon period, having babies and raising littles.  I want to clone that time!  If I was young I'd have 5 more kiddos, but that ship has sailed.  The next 25 years, is kiddo's growing up.  Girls have boyfriends.  Oh boy!  Lord willing, our family will increase, in His time. 
Steve said to me along time ago, "no matter what happens, you and I, we'll be ok."  That has stuck with me. In sickness, in trials, in disagreements, in good and bad.   We are going to be ok!  I got your back, my BFF!

Planting 2019, or not.

Steve has said a few times, "we need to put something on facebook about planting this year."  When I ask him what to write, there's crickets.  He has no words.  So I'm going to try a find a few.

We had the privilege of going to a friends cottage this past weekend in Indiana.  When you are a farmer that means........CROP TOUR!   Our children have come to expect it.  We drive and talk about fields, what's planted, growth, color, stance etc.  We were told Indiana is really bad this year.  What we found is, it's not good, definitely a late plant, drowned out spots and I'm sure harvest won't be as plentiful, but it's planted.

This week Steve had meetings with Michigan Soybean promotion committee and Michigan Soybean association.  Farmers from all over the state.  They came to Holland this time so I was able to meet them.  They had a Hope College bus,  Steve brought them to our farm and on a small crop tour.  One farmer said, "I don't know what to say, I'm not trying to brag, but we at least have our fields planted."  It was interesting for me to sit and listen to the farmers hash over what they were seeing, how to deal with this year, and how to move forward.

I've had people ask, "what's it like to have Steve around all the time now?"  He's not around.  He still goes to work 7:30am to 5:00pm.  He didn't have his busy season where he worked 18+ hours a day.  But this year is unknown.  He knows how to buy seed, plant it, sprays etc.  But now he's learning how to return seed, studying what happens if he keeps it for another year, running numbers of what preventive plant and crop insurance looks like, what cover crops are needed to give the soil the right nutrients, and on and on.  This is unknown territory.

This year we have not even 25% of the fields planted.  That's a lot of unplanted fields waiting for cover crops.

Farming is always a gamble.  I've watched my parents over the years have their ups and downs.  And now we get to live it ourselves.  We were in the kitchen and a friend asked how it was going.  Macy perked up and said, "we're all eating, so I think we're fine."  And that is so true.  Like anything in life, Faith carries us through.  This is not the year Steve or any farmer wanted.  Not just farmers,  it goes down the line to the grocery stores and the consumers.
But we have Faith!  Next year is another year.  God has always provided and He will continue.

I found this fitting last night.  Looking over an unplanted field at His awesome sunset!  God's got this!! 

"Legacy"

I've written a few posts over the last few months but I've never actually published them on the blog.  It's strange with the girls getting older, life is their journey.  I feel if something gets written about them, I must have permission.  Brooke is old enough to know her "history" and sometimes she likes to keep it her "history."  A while back she was reading the blog.  My grandma has the blog in books, so Brooke will read through it.  She came out of her room around 10pm, Megs and I were watching TV and Brooke was crying.  She said, "I am SO sorry for what I put you all through.  It must have been terrible."  With those words, there were 2 crying girls and a crying mom.  We explained to her we'd do it all again, for anyone of these precious girls.  The blog has been an amazing tool to keep people updated on this journey, but it's also been great for Brooke to look at her past.

With that being said, April is Brooke's doctor month.  We try and see all the doctors and get labs done.  So far nothing but good reports.  There are always things that won't be "normal" but they are her normal.  Nothing we need to worry about.  Brooke enjoyed her BMT appointment and said, "mom all those people were so happy to see me, but I don't remember them."   One of her nurses called Brooke a "legacy."  That brought a smile to my heart.  Doesn't everyone want to leave some sort of legacy.
We've also seen ENT, endocrine and nephrology (kidney) doctors.  She's had xrays, ultrasounds and blood work.  I use to go online and scour through all the numbers and test results.  But I don't anymore.  I tell myself I need to be more diligent.  I am a nurse for goodness sake.  But I just want to enjoy my kids.  Everyone of them.  I leave the medical stuff to the doctors and just let the kids have their fun.
Brooke and Macy did a girls run club this spring.  Macy rocked out that race on Saturday. So proud of her.  Leah and Brooke got up early to cheer on their sister.  Brooke seems to have hurt her knee.  We are still waiting to see what's wrong exactly, but after 2 weeks I think she's getting slightly better.
 
Ash has been playing lacrosse.  A learning curve for all of us.  We are starting catch on.  It's fun to watch.

Meg's just had prom this weekend.  So pretty!  She cleans up very well :)  So fun to watch them grow up. 

And Leah is finished up a semester at Baker College and starts another one soon.  She also works in ER.  It's fun having someone else in health care.  And having a big sister to help with all these girls. 

It's time to embark on summer, camping, warm weather and slower schedules.  See if we can all find our Legacies.  

All under one roof!

Since my last post, I realized, I never post of our reunion.  We have all girls under one roof.  We picked up Leah in July and it felt so good.  The twins said to me, as Leah was coming down the escalter in the airport, "look at dad!"  The smile and tears on his face said it all.  She's back!!!!
She had an amazing time.  And I can't speak for her personally, but I'd say Africa was life changing.  She will be speaking at church at some point and telling of her adventures.
From a mom's standpoint, she's different.  She's content, she's grown up, she's mature.  She's so fun!  Leah started working at Holland Hospital in ER and will start college again in the fall.

Then Megan turned 16 and Ashley turned 14.   YIKES!!!!  I've said it so many times, "stop time now!!"   I love each stage, but why are there so many stages.  I feel like we've lost Megan.  She has her car and will travel :)  Can't blame her, Steve and I did the same thing.  I just miss her.  I'm excited for her to be with friends and find her way in life. 

Ashley just made the Freshman Volleyball team.  Nice job Ash!  That'll be our next few months entertainment.  

White car's at the Koeman's.  I see a pattern :)  

Then there are the twins.  It's been 10 years that Brooke started our SCID journey.  I think back and see how far we've come, with SOOOOO much help.  We have been on this journey with so many people.  The support and love that we have seen is hard to wrap our arms around.  Brooke is doing far better than ever expected.  She has her "glitches" but nothing that stops her from trudging on.  Where she falls short, Macy picks up the slack.  They were able to participate in a Make a wish 5k  and they started  4th grade  It's crazy how I can remember close to every detail from 10 years ago and it seems like yesterday, but I'm so happy it was 10 years ago.  God has been our comforter, provider and brought us a peace that only comes from Him.  

Here's to another 10 years!!!

A mama's heart!

 

Today we sent another piece of our heart to Africa.  I've never been so happy for her, but my heart wants to be with them.  As I held her and said good bye, she said, "mom don't cry."  I can't help it.  I love my kids SOOOOO MUCH!!!  I've always wanted to be a mom.  When our kids were born I would hold off telling anyone they were born because I just wanted to hold them, all to myself.  I've always been in awe how something so miraculous can happen.  And now as I watch them grow up, I'm still in awe. I can't wait to hear of Leah and Megan's reunion.  To see them hug for the first time in months.  Facetime is great, but to hug your sister and best friend is something else.  The talks they'll have at night, catching up, eating candy, taking care of each other.  Makes a mama's heart happy. 

In 14 days we pick up Megan.  In 24 days we pick up Leah.  There are a TON of people that want to see Leah.  Steve and I talked about it and he said, "I just want to pick her up, just give me that."  A daddy's heart!!  He misses his girl as well. 

What an amazing summer it will be.  So excited to see what God has in store for all of our ladies.  So many experiences!  He is so good! 

Beautiful Gate

 I was asked when being brought back to the airport what my favorite thing was about this trip, and it couldn't be Leah.  That was difficult for me, because I went on this trip for a very selfish reason.  To make sure our daughter was OK, physically, mentally and spiritually. I had no other motive.  So my favorite part will forever be getting off the plane and walking into her arms.  She is a beautiful soul!!!

 From there it would be spending time with Leah and her roommates.  Watching them interact.  Watching how the "Do Life" together.  Below is Leah's house.  Her and her two roommates have a routine down and the do it well.  They care for themselves.  They are adults.  They cook, and clean.  Leah's room was even clean!!!  (very shocking)  (Megan's room at home is clean too.  I guess they are just messy together :)  They have a menu and a schedule of events.  Fun to see.

 Here are a few pictures of Beautiful Gate.  What keeps coming back to me is, Beautiful Gate is a family.  There are 5 houses, with house moms, and kids in each house.  There is a max capacity of 75 kids total at the orphanage.  Those girls know every kid, even though they are assigned to one house.  And every kid knows them.  The house mom's love those kids.  They have schedules that they follow, some houses more closely than others. (same as here).  What you don't see is "stuff."  During playtime, toys come out, but then they are put away, to carry on with their routine.  They are not bombarded with "things" to keep them occupied (games, toys, TV, ELECTRONICS), and they are happy.  (I have 2, 9 year olds that were perplexed by that idea.).  Simple is better.  But like Leah said, it's not that how we live is bad, it's just different there.  Beautiful Gate is a wonderful, safe community and family, for the kids, but also all who enter.

The kids!  I LOVE the kids. The girls are in charge of  "soft play" every morning for over 3 hours.  That involves picking up every child, from each house that can move/roll/crawl, but does not walk.  So ages vary, and some of these kids may have special needs, like Cerebral Palsy, or even just low muscle tone. They work with these kids, to get them moving, hold them, love them, give them individual attention, feed them, and change a lot of diapers. This is not for the faint of heart, or even a tired person.  These kids have energy, and personalities, and sometimes they all cry :)  And when they are tired, some of them just lie down and go to sleep.  It's crazy!  I wanted to take each one home.  The hardest part for me, was knowing some of these kids are matched with families, just waiting for paperwork.  Oh my head!!!  Hurry up government!!!  These kids have families WAITING!!!!  The kids are all loved, don't get me wrong, but knowing they all having someone, either biological families that don't have the current means to care for them, or adoptive families that can't yet reach them, was something you can't dwell on or it'll hurt your heart.  You just simply love them!

 
 The land of Lesotho is Beautiful.  Very hilly.  Not super commercialized like here.  Much more simple. Leah brought me to a "good/nice" part of town the first day.  I was like, "this is ok." Later she brought me to a rural not so nice part of town, and I re-evaluated how nice the other part was :)  Many times the girls walked fast.  There was no stopping, because every one would come up to you, talk to you, try to get you to buy their stuff.  You don't just take your phone out and start taking pictures.  Some of the taxi drivers drive the girls around like they are a prize (you don't see many white girls there), others try to charge them more (because they are white)..  But the girls know this.  And they seem to take everything in stride and confidence.

I have so many stories, but can't fit them all on here. 

I was given a gift.  A gift by my family to leave for 9 days, to make sure the rest of our family is ok. Steve and the girls were very ok.  They really don't need me (and that's in a good way).  They can manage day to day just fine.  A gift from Leah, to be shown her heart.  Her love of others and her survival skills.  She is doing well.  I LOVED Steve's first question when he picked me up, "is Leah ok? how was her demeanor, how did she act?" Sometimes you just have to see your kids and hug them to know.  I was given a gift from God for this whole experience. As a parent you love your kids no matter where they are.  I saw that at Beautiful Gate.  I saw a whole lot of love! I saw a need that is bring filled.  I saw God's blessing.  And it warms my heart.
It's still hard to leave Leah.  I've cried daily since leaving her, but not out of fear, just out of pure love and joy of a great kid that God blessed us with!  Never in a million years did I see myself with 5 kids.  But I have never been so grateful He gave us each and every one, even if they don't all stay in the same country :)  

(FYI:  I know Leah is trying to keep her blog updated, but I found out first hand how WiFi and cell service works there, it doesn't work well.  hahaha.  So I had her set up with WiFi for a few days after I left but that doesn't last long and service is sketchy, so she'll do the best she can. :)

To Love and Serve!

I recently asked Leah, what's it like in Africa?  She said, "mom you just have to be here to see.  The culture is just different." .I asked if I'll come home wanting to change my lifestyle. She said its just 2 different cultures.  It's not right or wrong, it's just a different way of living.
This past weekend I was able to go with some of our church high schoolers to Roseland, Illinois.  It is a very poor area in Chicago.  We stayed in a woman's shelter.  We were able to make meals for homeless and work in a second hand store.  This was a different lifestyle, a different way of living.  People had many different stories as to how they got there, but they were there.
I did not come home feeling guilty for my way of living, I felt grateful.  I appreciated my family, job and opportunities so much more.  I had a drive to listen and help others, that was not there 3 days earlier.
While with the youth, we had a time of Bible study.  One of the kids said, "this is not an attractive mission trip."  And you think about it, it's not.  There was nothing glamorous about the weekend.  Nothing even clean about the weekend.  No beautiful scenery to see.  But it was all reality.  We are called to love others.  As a coworker recently said, "to have tolerance."  We need to have tolerance of each other, kindheartedness, and help one another.   We need to show our kids the world around us, so that they can make an impact.  It doesn't always look pretty.
I often think of memories I have from growing up.  And its less and less, the things I thought were most important my teenage years.  I don't remember basketball games, or many dances.  I remember some fun times with friends.  But I can recall the times I was able to serve others.  Vacation Bible school downtown New York, picking up trash along side the roads, visiting elderly with my dad on Sunday afternoons.  And I'm sure I grumbled about doing some of these things.
Thank you mom and dad for showing me others way of living and caring for others.
I hope and pray we get more opportunities to go with our girls on these excursions.  Megan said to me, "this was my first mission trip."  I pray there are many more to come for all the girls.