Appointment update

We went to Brooke's appointment today. I had my list of questions, not that it mattered. I had emailed them weeks ago. I comes down to this, nothing is black and white. We are still, and probably always will be, treading on unfamiliar ground. I just question at what point is keeping her physically healthy compromising her mentally and emotionally. I've read books and seen movies about bubble boy. Our goal is to give Brooke a normal life.

So my questions: What percent of an immune system does Brooke have compared to a "normal" kid? Tough question I guess because they said, some areas of her immune system are reacting well, while others are not. Can't put a number on it, but she is immuno-compromised. Dr. Duffner said he talked to an MD in Germany that has a few kids he's done transplants on without conditioning (like Brooke). They are all doing alright with a partial immune system. (we could ask him to define "alright" but we thought we'd give the man a break :)

What illness is "bad"? Can't tell. Even kids with a "normal" immune system get bad illness that compromise them in some way. The big illness', she's being vaccinated for and responding well to the vaccinations. There is always the roto virus', RSV etc etc. But what would happen if she gets them, we don't know. There is also things like measles, mumps and whooping cough which are starting to come back because people have chosen not to vaccinate their kids. This could be detrimental to Brooke, but what are her chances of getting that? Pretty low. And hopefully if her current immunizations go well, she will start those vaccinations in April or May.

Are you seeing a trend in answers? It's just more grey areas.

My biggest question weighing on my heart......can she go to school? I warned them, if they said no I would need some major time to adjust to this, but I would adjust................. Anyway, clinically she is doing well. She has recovered from illness she has had. She's starting to eat, she's mentally and physically doing well. So she CAN go to school!! Now with that being said, Steve and I have decided to not to do preschool next year. So you might think I am making a big deal and I'm not even sending them to school yet. (Sending them to school sends me into a whole hosts of anxiety. I need time :) To me this means we can live a normal life (with in reason). You probably won't see us at germ infested indoor play areas :) BUT tomorrow the girls are going to Meg's school with me for Market day, and that's ok. We are driving to Florida and if things get heated in the car, we can stop at a hotel for the night, and that's ok. I can go get groceries with my ladies, and that's ok. We can go to church, and that's ok.

It's going to take us awhile to change gears. And I am sure we won't change all at once. We still have to use some precaution and common sense but we feel this the right direction.

So I guess that's it. No real answers. You take a gamble every day just getting out of bed :) I liked how my sister in law said it, "just be lead by the Holy Spirit!" So if we have a gut feeling, that she shouldn't do something, she won't do it. But we also won't feel guilty for letting her be a 3 year old and dragging her along to all her sisters activities.

Next scheduled lab draw is March. February she goes to endocrine regarding her growth hormone (yes she has grown 2 cm whoo hoo) and I have to set her up with her feeding people yet. God is so Good! We have put our fears away and trust Him to lead us in raising our girls. There are no answers. Awhile ago I put away the thoughts of hearing, "she's cured." All of us have our issues. The trick is to put the "Issues" in God's hands and let Him lead us through this crazy life. Another part of obedience. Trusting Him and being lead by the Holy Spirit!

All I wanted.......

I have been asking for a snowmobile for a few years. My husband says there are so few days we can actually ride a snowmobile, it's not worth it. So, he bought the girls a go cart a few years back. That's fun and all but now it's winter and I wanted a snowmobile again.

I happen to be at my parents/brothers barn a while back and saw our old snowmobile. I asked my dad, "does this thing run?" He said, "yup, you want it?" HECK YA I WANT IT!!!

So I kept bugging my husband and my brother, and my husband and my brother. It finally showed up this week. My brother unloaded it off the trailer, chuckled a little and said, "here ya go, no take backs." I got the "look" from Steve. Oh boy, I'm in trouble. So I talk to my amazing husband and apologize for making more work for him. He stated he doesn't mind the work but he hates to disappoint the girls when it doesn't work. My selfish response, "The GIRLS, what about ME, I am SOOO excited to ride this!"

However I did explain to the girls the snowmobile is old and sometimes old things don't work well. So we can't be disappointed if/when it doesn't work. Well, guess what? IT WORKED!! The 1979 Jag came through. It has a few glitches, like, the hood doesn't attach, some gas issues, but it runs and that's all I wanted. The girls had fun and cruised around on it Saturday. They even called Uncle Brent and said, "THANK YOU!" And "THANK YOU" Grandpa!!

Good thing we used it Saturday because the snow is gone again, so we can't ride it anyway. But it's waiting for another beautiful snowy day. WHOOOO HOOOO!!!

I realized after looking at this picture how dumb I look on this thing, but the point is I have so much fun with it, I don't care how dumb I look :) Thank you hubby for being persistent and getting the antique up and running.

Status Quo!

Not much new at the Koeman's. We've just been living life! Brooke's IgG stayed up again, so whoo hoo! She did however get a nice cold, that had turned into a sinus infection. But her wonderful MD's at Spectrum ordered her an antibiotic. So, we'll start that tonight and see if snot stops coming out of her eyes (that's pleasant :) Steve and I are pretty much always wearing snot. Megs got some other virus this weekend and spent the weekend and Monday on the couch. G E R M F E S T!!! We are waiting for a call from Brooke's MD because we have alot of questions. There are no miracle answers of course, but we value their opinions. We'll keep ya posted on that :)

Megs spot on the couch for the weekend.

AHHHHH Michigan!! I know that snow is a pain for my husband because of all the plowing and the girls BUGGING him about the snowmobile. But I LOVE this view and another reason I LOVE my job. I'm not cooped up in an office and get to enjoy God's beauty!!

This is why we can enjoy the snow. Sun is coming!!! My friend Missi told me about this craft and the girls like it. Count down to vacation!! However kids are always erasing the #, so no one really knows how many days away it is unless they count it out on the calendar. But the point is we are going to visit grandpa and grandma :)

Sheer exhaustion! Brooke got so tired she couldn't finish her Wheat thin. We are broadening our horizon's in the food. Brooke likes Wheat thins, Cheetos, Teddy Grahams and ice cream. She makes me laugh because she wants to have to have a stock of all the foods she likes. If she opens the last box of crackers she says, "go to the store and get more. I need more." She had an appointment with the feeding NP but I did end up canceling it. Steve and I didn't really see that anything needed to change and my husband knows my anxiety level with her feeding issues, so he said, simple fix, "don't go." So we didn't. We'll keep doing what we're doing and combine it with another appointment sometime.

This is my own feeding problem, hehe. I LOVE donuts from donutville. I've liked them since I was young. Now my children like them as well. With my gall bladder issues I couldn't eat them. Major sadness! Well no more gall bladder and I am BACK!! I realized how much I missed food. For months I ate 1 meal a day, candy and coffee. This whole eating thing is ALOT of fun. Oh food how I missed you!!!

The rest of the story behind the donuts is, Grandpa Blueberry will occasionally bring over donuts on Saturday mornings. It's always a fun surprise. Well, with Grandpa in Florida we miss him and his Saturday morning donuts :) Good thing for cell phones, we sent him the above picture so we could all enjoy them together.

Have an amazing evening! Stay warm.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

TO ME! Yes it's my birthday! I am 37. Not sure how I feel about that. It definitely sounds alot older than 36. My sister in law is forever 29. I'm thinking she might be onto something.

This morning was cake for breakfast and off to school and work. I hadn't worked a full day in a while so it felt good to be in a routine.

Our girls ask every few months if we can go out to eat, "like to a real restaurant." (That means where you sit and are served :) We say "no." hehe. Our children are NOT deprived or starving. It's just with 5 kids and Brooke, we don't do that too often. I asked Steve a few weeks ago, "how long has it really been since we've been out to eat? All of us?" We figured it's been over 3 years. The twins were in car seats and Brooke was not yet diagnosed. So for my birthday I said, "ladies we are going out to eat!" I made reservations at Crazy Horse, and we were off. Now comes the part where we are humbled and blessed! During our meal people dear to our hearts, came and paid for our meal! They had no idea it was my birthday or we hadn't been out to a "sit down" restaurant in 3 years. Like they said, it's a God thing!! They brought me to tears and I will never forget what they did for us. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! We are blessed beyond words.

So, it was an amazing birthday with amazing people! The cake eating shall continue for the next couple days (if anyone is interested in some). You must enjoy the moment!

2012

Here we are, another year down. 2008 I was pregnant, I told Steve, "I think I have diabetes, I am REALLY getting big." He responded, "watch, there's probably 2 in there." Silly boy, he was right :)

2009: I cried. My 1st time since knowing my husband I wasn't going to spend New Years with him. I remember walking into my friends house with the girls. I walked right into their arms and cried! What was happening? We had no answers about Brooke, except, "somethings wrong."

2010 - 2012: whoooo hoooo, together again! All of us! Health is a relative term. It's what you make of it. And I must say, my girls make a big ta do of New Years. It's so fun to watch them. Ash is still wondering why the ball doesn't break when it "falls to the ground."

Sunday our friends daughter came over to show us her diamond!! Yes diamond, and it is just as beautiful as she is!! I enjoyed watching them, newly engaged, wedding plans, new house, beaming with smiles. How fun!! I remember that like it was yesterday (but it wasn't yesterday). I always wondered, when you get older do your feelings change towards your spouse? Do you just get comfortable? Is that "new" feeling always there? I guess I don't know for everyone, but I can say for me, it is. Our lives have changed, but through every situation we've just grown better. I look at wedding and Honeymoon pictures and I think we look the same (our girls think differently :) At least we feel the same! I don't think people get comfortable, I think if things go as planned you love stronger and harder! I pray that for Troy and Kelsey. That they love stronger and laugh and laugh!!

My hope is when we've been married 20 years (in a few years) that we can take the girls to Gatlinberg (that's where we went on our Honeymoon). They may think it's dumb (now people go to Mexico, we were on a budget :) but I think it'd be fun to take some pictures where we went hiking and at Dollywood (yes Dollywood hehe) and see if we really look different hehe.

Happy 2012!! Have a Blessed New Year.