What have we done???

I would like to share with you Brooke's feeding history.   It's been terrible from Day 1.  We use to squeeze the bottle in her mouth and drip feed her.  Then she'd projectile vomit and SCREAM!!  That's how it worked.  When the put the feeding tube in, I fought it!  I knew it was a slippery slope.  I did not know at the time, the slope Brooke was taking.  It was a wild ride and feeding went to the way side.Today Brooke went to feeding clinic.  Me, Macy and Brooke.  We had Brooke psyched up, she even brought her own food.  We got in, she plunked her butt on my lap, and refused to do ANYTHING!!  Since she hasn't gagged in months, and testing is normal, there seems to be no reason she shouldn't, couldn't eat.  My trouble, I don't know how to read her!  She's potty trained and ALWAYS asking to go to the bathroom (when it's inconvenient).  Yesterday we were at a ball game.  I knew no one and we were sitting in the middle of the bleachers.  Brooke had been to the bathroom twice already (YES TWICE).  I had seen NONE of the game and was frustrated.  Brooke told me again, "I have to go to the bathroom.  I said, "I don't think so."  She asked again, I ignored the requested.  She then proceeded to pass the longest, loudest, smelliest amount of gas I have heard. I was pretty sure she filled her pants.  But she didn't.  She laughed and said, "I told you!"  We then went to the bathroom :)
There is my trouble!  When is she being 3 years old, when is she being serious?  Same with feeding. Her tummy hurts alot.  I don't know why.  So I have, I'm sure, enabled her in the feeding issues.
Back to today.  I told the therapist....tell me what to do.  Force feed her, bargain with her, TELL ME!  She said, "let me try."  So Macy and I left the room, much to Brooke's (and Macy's) dismay. There was alot of crying.  All in all, the therapist said, Brooke did well.  Once she calmed herself, Brooke did what the therapist asked.  We have a task to try at home and Tuesday she'll go back and go in again on her own.  (she is already disagreeing with this method :) 
After a few texts to my hubby, a phone call and tears, it comes down to, this is not going to be easy.  I knew that!  I just thought I was stronger.  I MAKE my other kids eat.  They have to finish their meal before they get snacks.  So where did I go wrong?  What happened?  When did I cave?  Where is my backbone this time?  There are obviously many layers to this situation.  So we are working on it.  She is not like the other girls, in some aspects.  In others, she is so much like them.  It's going to be trial and error.  I am sure she will call my bluff many times.  Last week she ate 10 pieces of cereal, she then had diarrhea for over a day.  To the point I didn't dare leave home.  Why?  She wasn't faking that.  Oh my aching head!!  All we can do is pray for God's direction.  He has shown us His way is best.  I feel we are heading in the right direction and He has not steered us wrong, food or no food.  Thank you Jesus!!!    

This is what I want her to eat someday :)  Maybe I'll have to try it first!!  YUMMO!!